I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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