mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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