yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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