why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
