something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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