I can text with my tongue
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
