I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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