she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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