Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
