she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
