If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
