he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I forget how to act sober
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
