there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
