smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
