Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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