so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
