in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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