mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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