So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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