I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
