you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
