Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
