Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
