She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
