remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
