i think my tv is drunk
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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