Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
