He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
