Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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