If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
