you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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