also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
