why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
