she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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