you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
