Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
false alarm, still single
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
