i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
