I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
