There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
