Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
