Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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