I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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