im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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