just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
