This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
