For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
