you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
