She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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