What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
