Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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