As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
